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06 / 30

Differences that change a conversation

We need to talk

A missing topic and catastrophic assumptions

A message without a topic turns five hours of Maja’s day into an alarm.

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Maja receives a short message from Anna in the morning. 10:07 AM
Maja, we need to talk. Today at 3:00 p.m.
Maja stares at the screen and remembers recent mistakes.
What is this about? What did I do wrong?
Maja waits tensely outside Anna’s office. 2:58 PM
Maybe it’s the report. Or yesterday’s meeting.
Anna calmly invites Maja to join a new project.
I want you on a new project. I need your feel for language.
Really? Of course!
Anna notices Maja’s enormous relief.
Why do you look so relieved?
For five hours I thought something was wrong.
Em, the Empatyzer coach
For Anna, the phrase we need to talk only means that a meeting is needed. Maja does not know the topic, so she fills the gap with the worst possible scenarios. One neutral message turns into five hours of stress. One extra line would fix it: I want to talk about a new project.