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Differences that change a conversation

Questions that sound like an attack

Testing the method and judging competence

Tom asks about assumptions so he can trust the recommendation. Zofia hears a challenge to her competence.

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Zofia confidently recommends option B.
I recommend option B. It will lift the result fastest.
Tom looks at the data and asks about assumptions.
What assumptions did you use for these calculations?
On actual sales data.
Tom asks more questions and Zofia starts to feel attacked.
What about seasonality? And customer churn after the first month?
He is shooting this down with questions.
Zofia defends her competence and Tom names the intent behind his questions.
Tom, I prepared for this. You don’t have to challenge everything.
I’m not challenging you. I’m checking whether I can trust the conclusion.
Zofia and Tom discover two meanings of the questions.
To me the questions meant distrust.
To me they are a condition of trust.
Em, the Empatyzer coach
Tom builds trust by checking data, method and assumptions. Zofia hears a series of questions as a public test of her competence, so she starts defending herself. Name the intention before the first question: I want to understand the calculation so I can support this option. That separates testing the idea from judging the person.