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Differences that change a conversation

Maybe take a look sometime…

Indirect and literal communication

Helena believes she gave a polite deadline for comments. Tom hears only the words that were actually said.

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Helena, holding a mug, asks Tom at his laptop to review a report. AFTERNOON
Tom, maybe have a look at that report sometime, when you have a minute?
Sure, Helena. When I have a minute.
Helena and Tom interpret the same conversation differently.
So today by four. I said it kindly, but clearly.
Sometime means after the urgent things. This week for sure.
Helena waits for the report while Tom finishes another urgent task. 4:30 PM
He sent no comments. Did he ignore me?
Good thing I finished the urgent one today.
Helena asks Tom why the report is still not ready. THREE DAYS LATER
Tom, why do I still have no comments on the report?
Helena, you said: sometime, when I have a minute.
Helena and Tom leave the conversation, each convinced the other person was wrong.
Do I have to spell everything out for him?
Am I supposed to guess what words mean?
Em, the Empatyzer coach
Helena softens the request because she does not want to push. Tom takes the words literally because he does not want to invent someone else’s intentions. Both believe the message was clear. With tasks, do not hide the deadline in your tone. Say what you need, by when, and how you will know it is done.